If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Never underestimate the power of titties
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
