If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
