when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
