My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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