Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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