I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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