How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
