Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
