white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
