found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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