I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
