don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
