goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
