OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet he comes in French.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
