I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
