Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
