So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
