I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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