I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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