bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
