It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
