I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
