Umm I'm too high to move.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
there is puke in my bra ... again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
