Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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