:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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