Girls should come with a carfax report
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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