so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
