jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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