It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
