just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
