I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
