my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
