Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
