Jerry, you need to find god
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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