Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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