Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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