you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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