in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
