why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
MIDGETS
????
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
