They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
