please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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