a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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