Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
