I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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