you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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