Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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