Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
