dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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