Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
