i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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