I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
