These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
