i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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